Opinion: Christine Webber on keeping a sense of perspective

There’s a line in the song which goes “nothing in the world will ever be the same” - and that’s what I want to write about this week.  

Obviously it’s marvellous when something happens, and you know it’s utterly changed you and the world around you in a sensational way. A great love, the birth of a grandchild, the purchase of your dream house, a terrific job that launched your career… You will all have your own memories. 

But at our time of life, sometimes events conspire to alter our world forever in a negative way, and that can be devastating. 

I keep meeting people who are feeling really dejected at the moment. For a start, there seems to be a lot of bad backs around, and virtually everyone I know - including me - seems to have the remnants of a cold and an irritating cough.  

I said dejected, and I don’t think that’s too strong a word because at the age we are now, we often have a little voice in our head telling us that this time we won’t get better. Unfortunately, this makes us feel grim. So it’s important to keep a sense of perspective.  

Think into your past. Have you had back pain before and recovered? The chances are you have. So why be so gloomy now? Have you any evidence that this time it is going to turn into a chronic condition that will make your life miserable for ever? Probably not.  

As for your cough - I’m sure if you look around, you’ll notice there are plenty of younger people coughing and nursing sniffles that won’t go away. Also, if you recall your childhood or younger life, you’ll almost certainly remember a period when you kept getting sore throats or earaches or chest infections. You did get better though. And the strong probability is that you will conquer the current difficulty too.  

Christine Webber (Image: Christine Webber)

I delved into my own memories and uncovered one during my Anglia days when I was working crazy hours and burning the candle at both ends. I caught a cold which went to my chest and then I developed pleurisy and felt like death for about a month. Interestingly, until I took that trip down memory lane, I’d almost forgotten the incident. And I’m pretty sure it never occurred to me that I’d never, ever be well again.  

Let’s therefore try to think sanely and rationally about what’s happening to us and to look after ourselves and keep up some form of gentle exercise in the fresh air if we can. This will be much more of a tonic than sitting at home and feeling sorry for ourselves.  

There are, of course, other circumstances that depress us and with good reason. One of the big ones is when your life is a constant anxiety because of a sick partner. You may be reading this column, all too aware that your loved one is terminally sick. My heart goes out to you because I remember that situation all too well and how very distressing it is. You may also feel that your own life has more or less shut down because of your partner’s illness, and that is making you doubly unhappy.  

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My best suggestion is to resist the impulse to be a total hero. Instead, get as much help as you can. For example, try to arrange support for your partner at least one day a week so you can go out and do something normal. I don’t believe any of us help our spouse by letting the illness take over everything. Have a day to go shopping, lunch with a friend, a walk, do a pottery class and maybe go to a movie. This can give you much-needed stimulus.   

I also suggest you ensure you and your partner have some high spots in the day so that it’s not all pain and misery. Maybe you can enjoy an audiobook together, watch a comedy that has always made you laugh or make something for him or her to eat that is special, even if their diet is restricted. In the end, my husband could barely swallow but was cheered up, and so was I, by an unusual flavour of ice cream that I’d managed to source. It’s amazing how such trifling happenings can transform a day. 

And do remember as you live through this difficult time, that although nothing in the world will ever be the same, it won’t always be horrendous. Plenty of us who thought our productive, happy existences were over have been lucky enough to find ways of making our lives wonderful again. Of course they are very different from how things were before, but different in a good way. And I hope you will take comfort from that.